How To Find True Love
We all want love; this appears to be a universal principle. What we often mean when we say we want love is the we want another person to somehow validate us; this other person is to magically appear in our lives and make us feel safe and secure and worthy. Somehow, we hand this power over to another person to make us feel attractive and comfortable and loved.
But what is it that we REALLY want when we say we want love? Don't we really want to find peace and joy and acceptance inside of ourselves? All the time we are chasing something in another person that we can easily and safely find in ourselves first.
I have coached women on this very issue for years. Over the years, I have heard alarmingly similar stories: of meeting a man, having sexual intimacy almost immediately, waiting for the phone to ring, calling this person a hundred times (sometimes leaving voices messages, often not), feeling despondent and then calling dozens of psychics to ensure that this person really did love them, when in fact, this person was a mere acquaintance with whom they were sexually intimate. Sexual intimacy does not equal love.
There are some easy steps to take on your way to finding TRUE love:
1. Meditation: When was the last time you meditated? It's as easy as sitting comfortably in a chair and clearing your mind for five minutes. You have five minutes! As you sit there, quiet and comfortable, every time a thought appears, just label it THINKING and let go of it. Breathe deeply as you sit there and feel the wave of peace come over you. Solitude will allow you to listen to your inner voice, which in turn will guide you in the right direction on any issue, including relationship issues. Along with introspection, I suggest that you read books or listen to cds that deal issues you feel compelled to explore!
2. Being with Yourself/Enjoying your own company. Have you ever taken yourself on vacation? I went all over Peru and Europe by myself and had truly wonderful, life altering experiences. One of the basic things I gained was a confidence in myself to make decisions. I constantly had to make decisions about where I would stay at night, where I would eat, what sites I wanted to see, who I would go with. I gained an inner trust in my own ability to guide myself.
3. Valuing Yourself: When was the last time you bought yourself flowers, or took yourself to dinner, or enjoyed a movie by yourself??? Don't be afraid of what others think of you for doing this; just do it!
Why can’t you be alone? Or, maybe the question is really, why are you afraid to be alone?
I am not suggesting you shouldn't find a significant other to enjoy your time here on this planet. There is an incredible amount of growth that can, and often does, occur in intimate relationships. However, I have seen too many people kick, scream and beg to have the WRONG person love and validate them.
In the name of love, I have seen people, often intelligent and successful, hand over their money, physical possessions, sexual space, self esteem and sometimes every ounce of dignity in order to declare that someone completes them! I have seen these intelligent and accomplished people accept abysmal treatment from their so-called lover, when they would not accept such treatment from friends or strangers.
I am stating that you can and should find the peace and joy and happiness with yourself first. Then, when you genuinely know that you don't need another person, but you want another person in your life, watch the RIGHT significant other pop into your life.
It's time for you to love yourself. Schedule some alone time, even if it is months or years (yes, I hear you gasping), and then let the right person come to you. All that's called for is a bit of patience, trust and faith! Accept no substitutes! Do not settle!